Calm before the storm

This could be the last post before I become a father. I have recieved quite a bit of advice and warnings over the past nine months, and they all can be boiled down to one thing. I have no idea what is in store for me.

People describe it as indescribable. They say words like Heaven, or "the warmest feeling you could possibly imagine". They also say it is the hardest thing in the world, or it's going to change you forever. Stuff like that makes me think it's like getting into a secret club where the handshake is holding a baby like it isn't a b0mb. We'll see.

I have also heard every possible description of laboring. The personal stories people tell are such bullshit. If you think about it, EVERY single person was born. That means there are tons of stories, some good and some bad. What the fuck makes them think I want to listen to their c-section saga? I hope I don't become a rambling story teller about how Dawn delivered.

With all this buildup, I can't help but look at Dawn's belly like a timebomb. Before it was cute, even sexy. Now it is for one thing, huge, and for another thing, controlling the timing for when my life gets hit with the reset button. It isn't scary per se, but think about looking at something, knowing that at any randomn time of your day, it could start a chain reaction that ends with a child. When Dawn is walking around, I find myself mentally daring it, or bolstering myself for the MOMENT. It's like being in a room with a person prone to throwing things - you always know where you are in relation to that person, and have that extra vigilant reflex waiting to go off. And behind the belly is "heaven" in the form of my daughter. I just wish the excitement was over and I could be home holding her quietly with Dawn.

I guess this is just part of the game.